Monday, July 7, 2014

Another night, Another day: He provides

God is good.  All the time, He is good.  I've said this.  I've thought it but why is it that this truth is hard to dwell on in the difficult times?

In typical adoption fashion....or should we just say life.....the rollercoaster of emotions and events continues.  Wednesday evening, late in the evening, our church family worshipped and celebrated our country's birth.  We gathered under our church family's pavilion, sang songs, prayed, and focused our thoughts upon freedom.  This night is a annual tradition filled with sweet memories of fellowship, watermelon, ice cream, and fireworks.  I look forward to it every year. This year, July 2, 2014, our church used this special night to welcome our Brody in their untypical baby shower fashion.  We shared cake, refreshments, hugs, and thankfulness that our son is home.  Our church family shared encouragement, smiles, loving pats, hugs, and gifts of money.  How could they?  How could they offer us more than they already have?  We hardly thought on the financial gifts until late that night when Travis and I sat down to read the cards and examine the gifts of money.  Wow.  Speechless.  Undeserving.  God continues to provide.  And I cry again at the thought of this truth.  How many times will He have to remind me?  How many times will I worry and wonder?  He provides in so many ways.  Travis and I went to bed that night full, grateful, and overwhelmed.  How can we say thank you?! 

{The only way I know love like one another (an entirely different blog topic and actually there is a whole book written on it.....the Bible!).}

The sun rose up Thursday morning, July 5th, 2014.  Our calendar had this day marked with Brody's first ENT (ear/nose/throat) physician visit and I honestly had looked forward to it.  I don't know if it is the nurse in me or my type A personality but I was ready for a plan: schedule testing, start assessing, and let's move forward so our boy can hear!  At the doctor's office, we filled out the initial paperwork, answered all the nurse's detailed questions, and waited.  Our kind physician walked in, introduced himself, sat down and asked a few more questions.  Then he gave me the words that I needed to hear but didn't want to believe.  We cannot help your son here.  He needs renowned specialists. A team of doctors to test him, study his case, and form a very detailed and specific plan to meet his needs.  You must go to Vanderbilt's Children's Hospital.  You will need to "free up" your schedule for many appointments and trips to Nashville.

Now let's be honest.  This is not bad news.  Our son is home.  He is doing fabulous.  We are learning to communicate despite the barriers.  We have excellent healthcare professionals available only five hours from home that can meet his needs (we hope!).  We have obtained good health care insurance.  My parents live close to Vanderbilt and can provide a wonderful place to stay on our trips.  I am able to travel and co-ordinate his care at Vanderbilt.....BUT, this news stopped me, Dayla, in my tracks.  See, I thought I had it all figured out.  I had researched the physicians, communicated with them and thought I knew who would be caring for Brody's healthcare needs.  This is not what I had planned at all.  HA!!!  When will I ever learn?!  I left the doctor's office with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  I knew everything was okay.  I knew the doctor's words were just what I needed to hear but  not what I had planned.  I called Travis, reasoned through my emotional thoughts, turned up my worship music, and prayed out loud.  Thankfully, it didn't take long for the Lord to fix my perspective and my heart filled with gratefulness.  I am thankful we have healthcare available.  I am thankful we are able to provide for Brody's needs.  I am thankful I have the flexibility to go where Brody needs me to be.  I just wonder how many times I have to be reminded that HE is still in control, that HE is always providing for HIS good. 

I went from one evening of mountaintop thankfulness, inexpressible joy, and speechlessness to a morning of surprise and disbelief.  Lord, may I always seek you first.  May you always direct the plans.  Take the reigns.  May my attitude be of thankfulness always, despite the moment's fleeting situation because You are good.  Your love endures forever.