A Callous and a Commitment

I washed my hands for the twelfth time that morning.  This is not unusual as I wash my hands a lot.....scrubbing with soap and water or a quick grab of hand sanitizer to scrub the germs away.  Usually as I wash my hands my mind is drifting to many things I need to gather or what I will do next as an oncology nurse at a cancer treatment center.  But this time was different.  My work related thoughts stopped as I noticed a callous on my hand.  As I continued to scrub, my mind wondered, "Hmmmm, why do I have a callous there?  What have I done lately to cause that?  Did I work in the yard?"  And then suddenly I answered my own questions.  I realized the callous is on my left ring finger right below where my finger meets my palm.  Still I wondered why it was there as I washed. Then suddenly I took full note of the two gold rings I have worn on that finger for 22 years.  "Hmmmmmm," I thought to myself, "My rings have caused a callous.  Wow, that speaks volumes, doesn't it?"  

For 22 years I've worn those rings without much thought.  I rarely take them off, only for the occasional cleaning or if doing an extremely dirty job with my hands.  I don't think much about the actual rings.  In truth, they have become a part of me.  And while I may not think about the actual rings, I do know what they represent  and how important that commitment is to me.  I find it interesting that they have caused a permanent callous on my left hand.  Isn't that so true of marriage?  

Through those 22 years, Travis and I have celebrated much joy, experienced amazing adventures, ached together, and faced our biggest challenges.  As each challenge or celebration comes, we face it together, seeking God for direction and wisdom.  This is not to say that our marriage is easy but it is intentional.  We have chosen each other over and over again.  We have chosen to make time for the other when they are hurting, worn, or stressed.  We have chosen to seek God as we navigate this hard life and the many difficult decisions that come our way.  We have chosen to keep striving, to make ourselves better humans and our marriage, family better.  We have chosen to not close the door on our family but be open with an awareness to God's needs placed before us.  

Callouses can form a few different ways.  Through work, manual labor against the skin.  Through a rub, a repetitive action against the skin, often causing soreness until an eventual callous, or thick layer of protective skin forms.  It is not coincidental that there is a callous on my left hand.  Those two rings and the commitment they represent DO take work.  Marriage does bring repetitive rubs.  Sometimes painful, sometimes exposing our weaknesses, or our selfishness or our determination.  But oh look where we get when we fight through the uncomfortable.  God grows us, "thickens our skin", molds us and continues to use us with callouses on our hands. 

Adoption: the Ripple Effect

I remember the day clearly as my husband and I sat in the case worker's office, hearts beating quickly, a bit due to nervousness and much more due to excitement.  The case worker asked us each, "So start by sharing with me, why do you want to adopt a child?"  The answer was complex and filled with God's provision but when she asked, "When did you first know you wanted to adopt?"  we both immediately thought back to a specific moment years before.  

Travis and I were married young, ages 20 and 22 to be exact.  We had very little possessions and lived our first 2 years of marriage off  a meager budget of $800/month. We were poor and in-love and couldn't be happier!  During the early years, there were no extra trips, concerts, vacations or dinners out.  One summer, dear friends invited us on a beach trip and we decided to tag along.  While traveling, we stopped at a restaurant to eat.  Travis and I were waiting outside to be seated and that's when it happened.  I noticed a family of three, Mom, Dad, and daughter outside the restaurant.  All were smiling, talking, enjoying family time but in my mind, time froze still.  I saw that 'lil family and thought, "I would like that one day. How beautiful."  You see, this sweet family did not look alike.  Skin colors didn't match, eye colors were not the same but they very visibly seemed to be joined by love and that spoke to my young heart.  What I didn't know is at the exact same time, my husband noticed this family as well.  He observed them and then leaned in to my ear and whispered, "I'd love that one day."  He didn't put a label to what he saw but we both understood.  In that moment, God ignited a deep desire to build our family through adoption in BOTH of our hearts.  We didn't discuss the details at that time.  Our young minds could not imagine how to support the cost of adoption or the many details that have to be orchestrated to truly bring a family together but instead God planted a seed.  A seed that He would continue to water and feed and grow. 

Fast-forward 12 years to our Knoxville case worker's office.  We shared that story (and many more.....read here) and a huge smile crossed her face as we spoke.  She responded with words that I have never forgotten.  Sweet Lauren said, "Everyone's adoption journey starts somewhere.  But also it starts with someone.  Sharing adoption is like throwing a stone in a pool of water.  One family's journey touches another family's journey.  Then that family affects another and before long you have the ripple effect. "

She asked us if we had any close friends that had adopted or any adoptive families in our church.  We chuckled and replied, No.  We had been strongly impacted by a family twelve years before and we didn't even know their names.  Lauren smiled, laughed and said, "That's okay.  Their adoption story impacted you and now your story will impact others."  In the moment I did not think a lot about her words.  I was too overwhelmed with our journey, our questions, our big decisions to be made.  But in the six years since our youngest son has been home, I have recalled that conversation so many times.  You see, the ripple effect has truly been a beautiful blessing to observe in our lives. Please do not misunderstand me, we do not take any credit for other families' journeys but we do believe God uses people's personal joys and struggles to impact others and give us opportunity to encourage others. 

Ask us now if we have any close friends that have adopted and I just grin BIG with tears in my eyes.  My mind fills with sweet faces that have been deeply touched by adoption.  In the past six years our church family has added five children through the adoption miracle.  We live in a small town and have witnessed so many families built through adoption in the past five years.  SO many that I don't even want to put a number on it.  And God's not done yet.  

Each year, November is National Adoption month.  I did not want this month to pass without encouraging you that if the Lord has placed foster care or adoption on your heart, don't ignore that whisper.  Seek out other families that have walked that road and ask questions.  Check out your local non-profits and agencies that service children in need. There are so many ways you can support orphan care.  Read God's Word and pray about the nudge in your heart.  God creates families in the most unique ways.  I would love to share with you about our individual journey or connect you to other resources. Let's continue to ripple, wherever God plants you. 

Take Cover

He was sitting in the corner chair.  It is often a favorite, tucked away in the corner of a large hospital treatment room.  It was his first treatment, chemotherapy to be exact.  He had every reason to be nervous, anxious and yet he was jolly, peaceful, and calm.  Once all the formalities were completed, I gave him medication and encouraged him to settle in, get comfortable.  He agreed and after lying back in his recliner and elevating his feet, he said these words. "Could I have a little cover? A sheet maybe.  It is not because I am cold on this 75 degree day but because it is comforting.  It might feel good to rest under a cover."

Raise your hand if you too like to rest with a soft cover over your lap, your legs?  Me too!  Even on a summer night, you might find me with legs curled up under a light blanket.  He's right! It does provide comfort.

What about a different kind of cover?  Have you ever had to take cover during a storm? Truly take cover.  We were at an amusement park for 3 days of concerts when we HAD to take cover.  My husband and I were responsible for a group of 30 teens when the storm suddenly hit the amusement park.  Where were we?  Right in the middle of concrete and metal, reclining on a grassy hill ready to enjoy a favorite artist.  Suddenly the winds quickened, the skies darkened and lightening flashed.  "Run! Take cover!" The words came from our mouths as we counted each teen, assuring their safety under a large pavilion.  In the moment, the pavilion was our cover.  Being together safely was our cover.

Since this kind man spoke words of resting under a cover, I have not stopped thinking about the cover available to us in this hectic, draining, sinful world.  Psalm 91: 4 says,

 "He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge."

Under His wings there is refuge. Refuge: safety, shelter from pursuit, danger or trouble.  Doesn't it sound amazingly comforting to know we can take cover, refuge under the wings of the Maker of the Earth?  The One who created us.  The Alpha and Omega.  He is there, providing cover. We need only to seek Him.  

So if life feels a little heavy and you are craving a little cover, run into His arms. Rest in His lap and under His wings. There you will find refuge. 

BE the good.

Wow. Some things in life just leave you speechless.  That is how I feel about our past weekend with Oticon staff and families attending their 2017 Patient Advocate Workshop: Our New Hearing Superstars.  The weekend highlighted education, support, and advocacy for pediatrics with bone-anchored hearing devices just like our Brody.  While the spotlight was on our kiddos, we were all treated like movie stars!

We were extremely overwhelmed with this weekend a year ago (read more here) and completely honored to return this year.  It was indeed a special weekend and its taken me a few days to put the weekend into words.

As I've tried to wrap my mind around how special our New Jersey trip was, one word continues to come to mind. People.  People have the ability to be your biggest blessing or cause the deepest heartache.  This past weekend, people were the good! Let me share.

Throughout our weekend, we spent our time with Oticon Medical staff. (Oticon makes our son's hearing devices, the pontos.)  During the event, we ate, talked, shared, learned, advocated, played, and relaxed.  All of this was done with the Oticon staff interspersed amongst us.  Not because they had to but because they wanted to. We have come to know their families, their hobbies, their jobs.  The Oticon staff has come to know and love our families.  They thought of every detail to make our weekend special.  From treat bags at check-in to t-shirts for the children. From a crazy fun day at iplayamerica for kiddos (while the parents workshopped) to cotton candy, churros, and fried oreos for dessert. (oh and the teeny tiny milk and cookies!).

From stuffed animals that wear pontos like our kiddos to light-up balls for play on the bus ride home.   We received gifts galore! (I should have brought an extra suitcase!)  Not only did they spoil us but they got to know us and particularly our children's stories.  We dined together.....sharing, laughing, and crying.  We played together.....laser tag was so fun!  They thought about us. Our needs.  Our hopes.  They listened to us. They cared.

But mostly, they feel like family. Family we are grateful for.  Because you see, when a group of people gives your child the gift of hearing, it is  a priceless gift.  We can never say thank you enough.

Brody and his Oticon buddy, Lindzee

A year ago our friendship with Oticon Medical staff began and we were excited to see so many friends again.  But this year it was an added bonus all the new friends to be made!  We shared the weekend with 13 other guest families.  Each family had a child with microtia (partial to no ear) who wears a bone anchored hearing device or ponto.  Some children wore theirs on a band like Brody.  Others had theirs implanted into their skull.  Some children had reconstructive ear surgery, others had not.  Eight of the families chose their hearing impaired child through adoption. Talk about having a lot in common!  These are fine people.  Good people.  People who make you want to be a better person.  Two mommas have been pioneers for microtia awareness.  One by starting a global nonprofit, Ear Community, that serves to educate, promote awareness, and link microtia families together.  The other leads five major microtia/atresia/bone anchored hearing device facebook support groups.  They have selflessly given of their time and energy to support families just like ourselves.  We met parents who have advocated relentlessly to meet their child's needs.  We met children who are living life courageously despite several medical challenges.  We learned from other parents how to fight the insurance battle and better advocate for our child's needs.  We learned from the children that though they may be young, there is an unspeakable bond that occurs between children who have similar challenges.

Some of Brody's buddies

Our weekend was amazing. Full of learning and sharing and fun.  At the end of each day, we were completely exhausted.  But exhausted in the best kind of way.  Exhaustion that allows you to sleep well and wake-up rejuvenated and ready.  Because when you are surrounded by goodness, you want to BE the good too.  You want to share the goodness with others.  So be inspired by our Oticon family and heed these words from Galatians 6. 

Add the sprinkles!!!

It was about fifteen years ago when my husband and his good friend traveled to Atlanta to watch a big football game.  We were young, poor, and rarely afforded such "treats" as a just-for-fun road trip.  While on this trip the two guys decided to have an ice cream snack at Baskin Robbins.  While my hubby's friend was quick to make his ice cream choice, my love had a hard time deciding if he should spend the extra 25 cents on sprinkles for his ice cream.  As he debated and debated, even wondering if I would be upset about the extra money spent, his good friend jumped in and said, "Buddy, I'll give you the quarter to buy your sprinkles.  Add the sprinkles!"

This story quickly rushed back to our memory this past week when my husband celebrated his fortieth birthday.  We laughed with fondness as he opened his gift from the roadtrip friend and it was a jar of colorful sprinkles.  The very funny card wished my husband a happy birthday and ended with "Add the sprinkles!"  As we shared this story with our children who wondered why Dad received sprinkles for a gift (AND did this mean we would have ice cream soon), it brought back many memories of a simpler time for us.  A time of focused survival, God providing for our needs, sacrificing much, but oblivious to the material sacrifices because we were "livin' on love!"  Upon hearing the story, our children could not BELIEVE Dad could not afford 25cent sprinkles!!!  And actually, as I think back on that time, it is hard for me to remember just how "tight" things were, how little there was for any extras, how special a treat was when you received it so rarely.

So as the past few days have come and gone bringing in a new year, I continue to reflect on this story.  I too need to "Add the sprinkles!"  I like to live life compartmentalized, living off to-do lists, first I'll do this, then I'll start that.  I've been known to say, "Child, let me get this and that done, THEN I can play ball with you."  Dayla, its time to stop this way of thinking and add the sprinkles!  Add them to the rushed moments as everyone starts their day, by sharing a warm smile and hug with my family.  Add them to my busy errands/appointments by sharing a laugh, a smile, a story with a stranger.  Add them to the busy evenings filled with homework, dinner, and activities by choosing to have a spontaneous dance party during after dinner clean-up. Add the sprinkles! Now. Don't wait.  Add the sprinkles and soon you will be tasting the sweet joys that come from living NOW. Not later, after this task is complete, once I meet this goal, when the kids are grown.  NOW.  The time is now.  Oh Dayla, hear these words and live them!

Microtia...what's microtia??

Micro....what?  Microtia. (pronounced micro-sha).  So here's your public service announcement regarding a bit more information on microtia. I would like to share on a very basic level what microtia/atresia is and how it can be treated.  If nothing else, I love to learn new things.  Maybe you do too.

Microtia is a congenital occurrence where the external ear is underdeveloped.  The outer ear may be small, malformed, or absent. The name comes from the Latin words meaning little ear. This condition can be unilateral (one side only) or bilateral (affecting both sides).  The exact cause for microtia is unknown, though the CDC recently cited maternal diabetes and mother's diet likely risk factors for microtia. (http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/birthdefects/anotia-microtia.html)  Approximately one in every 9,000 children is born with microtia.    Microtia is often accompanied by atresia or the absence/closure of the external auditory ear canal (atresia is Latin for absence of an opening).  A child with microtia encounters hearing impairment due to the loss of outer ear structures.  

For a child with microtia, establishing optimal hearing is of utmost priority.  This can usually be accomplished with a bone assisted hearing device.  This type of hearing aide vibrates the skull, sending vibrations to the bones surrounding the cochlea, where hearing signal is received and sent to the brain. Essentially bypassing the ear canal and getting sound inside one's head.  Initially this hearing device may be worn with a soft band around the child's head until appropriate skull growth has occurred. 

Once the child is big enough, titanium rods or abutments are placed into the child's skull, where the hearing device can be attached.  If a child has microtia bilaterallly, then two hearing devices, one on each side, are recommended for the best surround sound hearing.  

Once hearing is established, it is recommended that a family take their time to explore ear reconstructive options.  There are four major options available, with new progress being made daily!  Options include 1. Rib graft-taking a child's own rib cartilage to create their new ear structure 2. Medpor ear implant with a skin flap placed over new ear 3. Ear prosthesis that can be removed as needed 4. No corrective surgery.  Each of these options come with their own pros and cons, making the decision process challenging.  Add in the social stress that can accompany microtia, and it is hard for parents to know what is best for their child.  

Because of these challenges, it is important for those with microtia to realize there is a community of support, information, early intervention, and awareness available to children, adults, and family members.  EAR COMMUNITY was created to provide awareness and information for those encountering microtia/atresia in their own life or one of a family member. Earcommunity.org is available worldwide and provides information on hearing devices, surgery, emotional support, and daily living with microtia.  

It is with great excitement that Ear Community announces NOVEMBER 9th to be the first annual National Microtia Awareness Day!!!  This day will be used to provide awareness on microtia and education on resources available.  We want to encourage any who are interested to support this FIRST annual day by purchasing a microtia awarenss t-shirt and wear it on November 9th.  The Hurleys will be taking pictures in our blue ribbon shirts and posting them on social media using #MicrotiaAwarenessDay #EarCommunity.  The deadline for ordering tshirts in time is November 1st so get your official tshirt HERE!   All tshirt proceeds will go to support children and adults with microtia and atresia.  (As a side note, most hearing assistive devices are not covered by insurance so your money will likely help others HEAR!)

So there you have it......a big announcement and a bit more information on microtia.  You can read the official press release HERE.  Thank you for your support!

Grateful: Day 3 with Oticon

When I had first reviewed our itinerary for our weekend with Oticon, I noted that Sunday morning had three hours marked for brunch, including time to "mingle with your new friends" (said the program).  I remember thinking, "Wow!  What will we do that entire time?!?"  Its funny now.  Our final morning in New Jersey had us up and packed and feeling a bit sad to not have more time with our new friends.  There was still so much I wanted to ask, wanted to learn.

We met at the Oticon dining room for brunch and visited for a bit.  After eating, the kids quickly joined in play together.  For a short period, we could not find Brody......only to discover him "camping" under the table with his friends.

After some free time, Oticon provided stations where we could talk to the staff about products, insurance assistance, and social media.  I had so many questions.....I never made it to all the stations! Each of the staff members were so kind and patient with us, answering each of my questions and helping in my desire to know more about pontos, surgery, and maximal hearing for Brody.  They provided each ponto wearer with very generous gifts.  Brody was excited to receive blue hearing aids like his friend (actually skins to cover his current pontos).  It was during this time that all of my emotions caught up with me.  Travis and I were discussing a hearing product with one of the audiologists and I could feel the tears coming.  I blinked lots and worked hard to suppress them but I could not stop thinking about all Oticon had done for us.  Then it happened.  Brody ran up to me and said, "Momma, look!!! Hearing aides!" and the tears came.  Oticon gave him a stuffed monkey who also wears a ponto hearing device behind one ear.  I could not believe it.  There was nothing they had not thought of......(well, except tissues.  I really needed tissues at this point. :)

Our time together ended with a few awards for the group's star creators, connectors, and socializers.  I was slightly paying attention when I noticed Brody's picture was on the screen.  Our little guy was honored with the Star Socializer.  The thought of it still makes me smile.

As parents, we were worried about Brody enduring the weekend with so many new experiences and people but instead he shined!  He made friends, he chatted with them, he played with them, he learned from them.  For all our days together, we as Brody's family have helped him communicate by interpreting his signs and now his speech.  This weekend, Brody communicated and made friends all on his own.  It was a beautiful and exciting thing to watch.  

So as we said our goodbyes, shed a few tears, and hugged our new friends, our hearts were so very full.  Full of the reminder that goodness still exists.  Full of family time, new memories, and treasured new friends.  Full of empowerment to research, speak out, and share.  Full of hope for the future.  Full of gratitude.  

Thanks Lord for making it all possible.  We thank you for our friends at Oticon and pray your blessing on them as they continue a good work.  Thank you.